Preschool at Home: You Can Do It! (Easy Ways to Help Your Child Learn at Home)

I often receive phone calls and emails from parents who are excited about homepreschooling.  Many ask me how they should get started, or what curriculum they should use. The truth is, homepreschooling is not something parents suddenly “start”…every parent who has preschool-aged children is already homepreschooling!  After all, you taught your children to talk, didn’t you? And who held your baby’s hands while he was learning to walk?  You did, of course.  You are already a teacher, and already the facilitator of your children’s natural growth and development.

Parents nowadays have been programmed to think that they cannot possibly teach their own children.  The so called “experts” have encouraged them to think that they are not “qualified” or smart enough to homeschool—even at the preschool level!  But parents needn’t worry that they are not “qualified” to teach their own preschoolers at home.  The truth is, you are the expert when it comes to your own children.  No one knows and loves your children as you do.  As a homepreschooling parent, you can assess your child’s interests and readiness, and then carefully move them ahead–without pushing them.  No “preschool” can provide the amount of attention you can…and no “preschool” can individualize your child’s curriculum to fit your child’s own learning styles and interests as you can.

After all, it is God’s design that children be loved and raised by families, not institutions. Within a family, children grow strong, secure emotional attachments, which are vital to healthy personality development. Within a family, children are able to grow close relationships with people of all ages, including their own siblings. Within a family, children receive individualized attention, and children’s speech and vocabulary is enhanced by 50-100 times more individualized responses than they would receive in an institutional preschool (source:  Moore’s Home Grown Kids.) Within a family, children’s character is molded, and their hearts are gently drawn to God.

Homepreschool doesn’t have to be hard or expensive.  The best thing you can provide for your preschooler is your time and attention.  Your children will never need anything or anyone as much as they need you!  Most of what your children need to learn can be taught simply though good parenting.

Here are some simple, developmentally appropriate things that all parents can do to help their children learn.  Good parents do these things instinctively, but it is always good to be reminded about them:

1.  Provide your child with a stimulating home environment, rich in books, music, and open-ended play activities that grow with your child as he does: Play dough, blocks, cars, dolls, puzzles and so on. As your child gets older, have art materials available for your child to use anytime: Paper, crayons, felt-tipped pens, scissors and glue.

2.  Give your children lots of free time for creative play. Play is greatly under-valued in our society. Through play children release stress, get exercise, get a handle on their emotions, and learn skills vital to their academic growth.  Give your children time to play outside every day, weather permitting. If you can, provide a swing set, tricycle, balls and other outside toys; pets to love and care for, gardens to tend, and so on.  Inside play should play should be “creative” or “dramatic” play, as much as possible.

3.  Have your children work alongside you. Children need to learn to work with cheerful attitudes. Working is almost like play to the young child; they are practicing/pretending about their future adult roles. Teach them how to work while they are young and willing. Working together should be a bonding experience for you and your child, and an important learning experience for your preschooler.

4.  Try to make all “learning” fun at first.  As much as possible, let all “academic” learning take the form of games and play. If your child resists, back off for a while. It is much easier on both of you to wait for readiness and teach something in ten minutes than it is to spend ten hours (or days!) trying to teach the same skill before your child is developmentally ready.

5.  Read, sing and talk, then read, sing and talk some more!!  Help your child grow his vocabulary and base of knowledge about the world through conversation, lots of reading aloud and singing together. This is the true heart of homepreschooling.

6.  Provide your child with the opportunity to succeed by giving plenty of practice with new skills and concepts learned–through repetition.  We may become tired of hearing favorite books or songs over and over, or practicing jumping off the steps over and over–but preschoolers don’t!  Repetition strengthens and reinforces learning.

7.  Limit passive entertainment. Even “educational” television or computer games can’t match interaction with real people or real objects when it comes to learning. Most children spend more time watching television or playing computer games than they spend sleeping—much less playing!  Too much passive entertainment can be harmful to young children’s development. Commonly observed effects of too much television or computer time include over-stimulation, shortened attention span, and a reduction in active playtime. Don’t let the television replace real life experiences, play, reading aloud and conversations in the life of your family.

8. Introduce your child to the best in art, literature and music. Art and music are more than just “extras” your child can do without; they are vital to healthy, normal, early childhood development. Enjoying literature of all kinds with your children lays the foundation for literacy. (Several chapters of Homepreschooll and Beyond are devoted to these topics.)

9. Explore the real world together. Visit the grocery store: Purchase new foods to try, and talk about where they are grown/how they are made. Visit your local state and National Parks; explore the streams, mountains and beaches, taking time to wade in the streams, toss rocks in the water, and look for wildlife. Visit your local fire station, police station, train station, and airport. Plant a garden in your own backyard. Work, play and experiment together, and talk about everything you do.

10. Remember that your children are learning all the time, whether you are aware of it or not.  Homepreschooling parents simply take advantage of this fact, and choose to embrace a lifestyle of learning–consciously deciding to take advantage of those “teachable” moments. Life itself is the very best curriculum for preschoolers.

        You CAN provide everything your children need for early learning. Your children will never need anyone or anything more than they need you. Let them have the love, time, and attention of their own parents. That’s all they really need.

*This is a compilation of excerpts from: Homepreschool and Beyond: A Comprehensive Guide to Early Home Education, by Susan Lemons, used with permission.  Much of the material in this book was originally printed in Home School Enrichment Magazine, and is re-used with permission. You can read the complete article, What Your Preschooler Really Needs, HERE.

© 2010, 2012 Susan Lemons all rights reserved. Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

How Do You Measure Success (In Homeschool/Homepreschool)

(Note: This is a previous post that I updated.)

This morning I wrote  a submission for a blog that asked the question, “what makes your home learning method unique?”  The question had three parts to it:

1) What makes your method unique—how does it differ from mainstream, curriculum-based methods?  (Using the 4R’s as the  foundation to all I do.)

2) Why did you choose this path?  (Brief answer:  Because I believe in a balanced, whole-child approach that makes the main thing the main thing–versus methods that concentrate almost exclusively on one area of child development—usually academics.)

3)  How do you measure success?

Number one and number two were self-evident and easy for me to answer.  The last question, “how do you measure success?” was way more difficult.  Here is my (final) answer:

Like most other homeschool moms, I write out yearly goals for my children,  However, the real measure of success is not as simple as a completed math program or a high test score.  Instead, I ask myself the following questions:

About Relationship:

-Am I keeping relationships at the center of our home and our homeschool/homepreschool? Do I prioritize my time to reflect the fact that relationships (with God and with family) are the main thing?!

-Are my children growing in their relationship with the Lord? (Knowledge, understanding, wisdom, character, holiness?)

-Do my children want to please God?

-Do my children hunger after God’s presence/God’s Word?

-Is our parent/child relationship strong and growing?  Do we really talk to each other (conversation–a back and forth proposition?)

-Are the relationships between siblings/extended families strong and growing?

-Do I spend time playing with my children (entering into their world?)

-Do I make the time for relationship-building activities?

About Routine:

-Is our daily routine helping our days run more smoothly?

-Has our routine helped us develop helpful habits?

-Can my children depend on the security of “what comes next?”

-Does my routine include short lessons alternated with play breaks?

-Have I included the “fun stuff” (art, music, nature walks, play, PE etc) in our plan, so they are not overlooked?

-Do my children have plenty of free time for creative play and outside play?

About Readiness:

-Am I watching my children for signs of readiness before introducing something new (interest/curiosity, developing abilities, natural/independent learning?)

-Do I decide what to teach my children strictly according to someone else’s list or timetable (scope and sequence–“what’s expected,” age-by-age), or do I let my children’s own maturity/abilities/interests guide me?

-Do I follow my children’s lead when teaching something new—keeping lessons short and fun (game-based) and stopping if my children express frustration/disinterest?  (Note: Balance this with the knowledge that as children grow older and their abilities increase, they will have to learn some things that they may not want to learn or may not be interested in.  After all, who asks to learn long division?)

About Reading Aloud: 

-Do we spend lots of time reading aloud and discussing what we read/have learned?

-Do we read a variety of different types of books aloud (depending on age:  picture books, storybooks, biographies, poetry, historical fiction, non-fiction, etc?)

-Do we have a variety of different types of books available in our home for our children to choose from/read/browse through independently?

-When I read aloud to my children, do I take my time and enjoy it, too? Do I use expression (making silly sounds and different voices/accents as appropriate) or do I speed through, just to “get it done?”  In short–do I make it special?

About Academic Goals: 

-Are my children achieving reasonable (developmentally appropriate) learning goals, bearing in mind that the abilities of normal children vary greatly from child to child?

-Am I challenging my children without pushing them?

-Do I remember that most people expect far too much of young children, and not nearly enough of older children?  Have I adjusted our expectations/learning styles/curriculum accordingly?

I could share lots of other things that I want my children to achieve—spiritual skills/knowledge, physical skills, skills related to specific learning/academic areas, life skills, etc….and as I stated, I do make yearly, detailed lists of these items for each child.  But as I thought about how I really measure success, I realized that the main measure of my success as a homeschooling mom continues to be centered around the 4R’s.  It seems to me that when the 4R’s are kept in mind, the rest falls into place naturally.  With the 4R’s as a foundation, the needs of the whole child are addressed (including academics.)

Yes, I definitely believe there is more to measuring homepreschool/homeschool success than simply measuring what our children “know” academically (ABC’s, 1, 2, 3’s, test scores, etc.)  True, test scores are important, but they aren’t “the main thing.”

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  Matt. 6:32

Live the 4R’s!

~Susan

© 2010, 2012 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

Making Storytime Special

 (Classic repost, updated.)     

       Many years ago I had an experience I’ll never forget.  While visiting a friend’s house–a mother of preschoolers–I observed the following: Her little one brought her a book, and trundled onto her lap so that she could be read to. My friend pulled her up onto her lap, and started reading to her…but this was no ordinary story. It was the fastest story I’ve ever heard! There was no expression, nor any discussion of the book or its pictures. She read it as quickly as she could, just to get it over with. 

       I hope this wasn’t the usual way stories went at her house. I understand that she did have company, and she wanted to placate her child so that we could continue our visit. But the whole thing made me sad. It’s something I’ve never forgotten.

       Reading aloud should be a special time of bonding between parent and child. It should never be viewed only as an obligation—something to be rushed through at break-neck speed. Story time should be enjoyed…relished. 

       There are so many ways to make story time special. They are all simple, and so much fun!  Here are a few ideas:

 -Take your time and enjoy the story. Read a little more slowly than you think you need to. Enunciate your words clearly; your children copy your speech.

-Read with expression, and get into character: whisper, shout, growl, squeal, and make animal sounds as appropriate. Make male voices sound low, and female voices higher. Make each character as unique as you can–my boys love it when I add a southern accent for Hank the Cowdog.

-Encourage your children to chime in when there is a familiar or repetitive phrases.

-Pause at the end of phrases, to see if your child can fill in any missing words.   

-Try reading in new places:  How about a picnic read aloud time?  You can have a picnic indoors or out.  Maybe your little girls would enjoy a “tea time” reading. Read in different rooms, in your bed, in front of the fireplace, during bathtime, and so on. We love to read while snuggling on the couch, under a fluffy blanket.

-Try including pets or “loveys” (favorite blankets or stuffed animals) in your reading time.

-Extend your read-aloud time by acting out nursery rhymes and favorite stories, and watch your children’s play for signs that your read-aloud time is sinking-in: You’ll know you’ve found a gem of a book when your children include the book in their pretend-play spontaneously.

-Talk about the story:  Speculate: What might happen next? What could the character have done differently? Notice the details in the pictures, as they relate to the story. Ask your child to describe the characters:  What kind of dog is Harry? (A black dog with white spots.)  What is the one thing he doesn’t like?  (He doesn’t like taking a bath. These details are from one of our favorite books,  Harry the Dirty Dog, by Gene Zion.)

-Notice details in each book’s art: How are the pictures made? Are they drawn, painted, colored, or collaged (what is the medium used?) Notice the artist’s use of color and light as well.

-Have your child tell the story, or part of it, back to you (narration.) 

-Give your child a “print-rich” environment.  Keep books at your child’s eye-level, to encourage them to investigate books themselves—or pick out books that they would like to hear. We used plastic rain gutters to make bookshelves right by our boy’s beds and provided them with reading lamps to encourage them to read in bed.

-Choose books that are about topics that are of special interest to your children. Consider turning books/storytime into a daily or weekly unit study or “theme” by reading about one main topic at a time, and by adding fun activities/art projects/dramatic play, etc that enhances the reading experience.

-Communicate to your children that books are important to you.  Let your children see you reading books. Share books that you loved as a child with your children.

-Buy books as presents; give books as rewards (books are only rewards if they are GOOD books. Check out my archives for “book lists” and my post on  “Choosing and Finding Classic Picture Books”.)

-(For older children): Read a book, and then watch a movie based on the book.  How are they different? Which is better? Why?   

-Something we do: Quote special sentences/passages from favorite books (and movies) when appropriate. Ask your children if they remember which books the sayings are from, which character said it, how he said it, and so on.

      Don’t just read to your children—make reading special!

© 2010/2011 Susan Lemons all rights reserved. 

The Parable of the Public Poolers

By Jonathan Lewis

NOTE: This article was originally published in the Jul/Aug 2011 issue of Home School Enrichment Magazine and is used with (gracious) permission.

Once upon a time, in a place called America, someone had an idea. It was a bold plan—one that would alter the very social fabric of the nation. It wasn’t long before word of the idea began to spread, and many people thought it was simply marvelous. In due time, after enough support had been generated,the plan was put into action.

At first glance, the plan seemed simple enough. Its proponents said it would be fair, free, and effective for all. The plan was this: to construct government-funded public pools in every community across the land. “Every child deserves a positive swimming experience,” the plan’s proponents argued. “Only the government can truly accomplish this through our new public pool system.”

The plan had its detractors, but in the end, it went forward, and soon virtually every city and town in America had its own government-funded public pool. All the children in the community spent their days at the pool under the supervision of the state-certified lifeguards.

At first the pools seemed wholesome enough. True, there were those who said it wasn’t the government’s business to operate a pool system, but most people seemed satisfied. Things went along smoothly, and within a few generations, the government pools were entrenched in the public mind as a necessary and helpful part of society. They were as much a fixture as baseball, Mom, and apple pie.

In the course of time, however, things began to go wrong. It was observed that the pools weren’t as safe as they had once been. In fact, not only were
they not safe, they were becoming downright dangerous—even deadly. Somehow, the public pools all across the land had become infested with man-eating sharks. Children were returning home scarred and maimed. Many were even being devoured alive.

It was at this point that a handful of parents across the nation became alarmed. They decided not to send their children away to the shark-infested public pools any longer. Instead, they would keep their children at home and supervise them in their own pools. In time, this new movement came to be known as homepooling.

In days gone by, homepooling had been common practice in America. But with the introduction of the government pool system, homepooling had become increasingly rare. It may seem shocking, but homepooling had even been outlawed in some states! Certainly America had wandered far from her ideals of freedom and liberty when parents were no longer able to direct their own children’s pooling.

The pioneers of homepooling were greeted with much skepticism. Most parents were complacent, content to ignore the safety hazards of the public pools. In the meantime, conditions continued to worsen, with more and more children being devoured by the sharks. Statistics reported that up to 85% of the children who went swimming at the public pool were being injured or eaten alive.

As a result, the new homepooling movement began to grow. And it was observed that not only were homepooled children surviving, they were thriving. Researchers began to take notice, and it was discovered that homepoolers performed far above their public-pooled peers on standardized swimming tests. Homepooling was beginning to be vindicated as a valid option.

In an average community in America lived a woman named Mary. She and her husband had both been raised in the public pool system, though it wasn’t as bad when they were growing up as it was today. Now, Mary herself was a young mother of three children whom she was accustomed to sending to the public pool. Every morning she would get her children out of bed, feed them a hasty breakfast, then rush them out the door to catch the pool bus. All her neighbors did the same thing. It was just how life in America worked. Then one day, she met a homepooling family at her church. She was impressed! The children were polite, respectful, and were all excellent swimmers. Mary had heard of homepooling, but had never met a family that actually did it. She realized she needed to give the matter some attention.

One day, as she was researching homepooling, her 8-year-old son arrived home on the pool bus. As she saw him limping into the house, Mary knew something was wrong. Upon inspection, she noticed he had deep wounds on his legs—a narrow escape from a shark. That settled it for Mary and her husband. They notified the public pool superintendent that their children would no longer be coming to the pool—they were going to begin homepooling right away.

It wasn’t long before Mary became a staunch advocate of homepooling. She loved having her children at home with her. She was glad that she no longer had to fear the constant menace of the sharks at the public pool. Her children were safe at home where they belonged.

With all the blessings homepooling had brought into her family’s life, Mary expected all her friends to be excited about it too. She was sure they would
begin homepooling when she told them how wonderful it was. But instead of excitement, she was greeted with indifference by many, and even with hostility by some.

One friend at church told her, “You’re overprotecting your kids. How are they going to handle the sharks out in the adult world if they don’t learn how
to deal with them now?”

Another responded with a more spiritual sounding argument. “My kids are being salt and light out in the public pools. If all the Christians
pull their kids out of the pools, who will reach the other kids?”

Mary didn’t think that argument made very much sense. If her kids were being eaten alive, they certainly weren’t going to be reaching many others.

Yet another mom told her, “The pools in our town aren’t like the pools in the bigger cities. They have sharks and stingrays and alligators there. Ours
aren’t like that. We have a great pool system here.”

Mary soon discovered that very few people were willing to admit that the local pools had problems. “We have an above-average lifeguard-to-swimmer
ratio,” another church friend said. “Plus, some of the lifeguards are even Christians.”

Great, Mary thought to herself. They can pray for your kids while they’re getting eaten up by the sharks.

As she tried to spread the word about homepooling, Mary was astonished at the indifference she saw all around her. Children were being maimed, injured, and even killed every day, yet so many seemed unconcerned. As she continued talking to others, Mary couldn’t believe the excuses people were using. If it had been a spiritual issue instead of mere physical safety, she was sure they wouldn’t use these same arguments. After all, if the public pools had been harming children spiritually—if they were causing kids to walk away from their faith, leave church behind, or rebel against their parents—surely they would see the significance and would begin homepooling. As it was, too many parents were ignoring the issue altogether. After all, it was just a matter of their kids’ physical well-being, and apparently that was easy for many parents to ignore.

“Look,” one friend said, “if I wanted to start homepooling, I’d have to quit my job, and you know we can’t get by on just one income. It isn’t practical in the modern world. Maybe homepooling worked back in the pioneer days, but it just won’t work now—not for us.”

Mary was startled that her friend would put finances above her children’s safety. After all, this other family wasn’t destitute. They had a reasonably nice home, two cars, and plenty of extras such as cable TV, a couple of cell phones, Internet hookup, and more. Wouldn’t it have been worth sacrificing part of their lifestyle to protect their kids?

One friend was bluntly honest. “Oh,” she said, “I just wouldn’t have the patience to homepool my kids! I think it’s great that you can do it, but it just wouldn’t work for me. I’d probably kill them the first day,” she laughed.

Never mind what the sharks are probably doing, Mary thought to herself.

She was surprised at how many people were worried about socialization. “How will my kids have friends if I homepool them? I don’t want them to be social misfits,” explained one.

“Homepooling doesn’t mean your kids won’t have friends,” Mary answered. “It just means you can have more control over who your kids are with. Plus,” she added, “you won’t have to worry about all the sharks and other problems that are in the public pool.”

“That’s just like you homepoolers,” her friend retorted. “You’ve got such a ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude. You think everyone should homepool, and you have to start criticizing the public pool every chance you get. I think I know what’s best for my kids.”

Mary didn’t see how close encounters with sharks every day could be best for any kids, but she knew better than to try to reason with her friend now.

Others were concerned about their kids missing out on the opportunities afforded by the government pool system. “My son really loves the diving board at the public pool,” Mary’s neighbor said. “I couldn’t provide that for him at home.”

Others were afraid of teaching advanced swimming techniques. “I never did very well at swimming myself,” one friend confessed. “I just don’t think I could teach my daughter some of the advanced things she wants to learn.”

Mary could relate to this one. She still felt a little intimidated sometimes too. But she knew there were answers. “There’s lots of great curriculum out there that will help you—books and DVDs and all kinds of things. Lots of other people are doing it, so I’m sure you can too!”

Her friend wasn’t convinced. “Well, maybe. I don’t know. We’ll see how things go.”

As she looked around, Mary was saddened. How could her friends not realize that their kids were more important than their careers, social standing, personal free time, and all the other things that prevented them from homepooling?

Time went by. Her friends at church had been insisting for years that their kids would be fine in the public pool system. But now that the kids were getting older, they didn’t look like they were doing well. Lots of them had already become casualties of the sharks and had disappeared from the church pews. Many others walked with a limp from injuries sustained in close encounters. “It’s just a phase,” some said. “All teenagers go through this. There’s nothing we can do. We just have to believe that everything will work out fine in the end.”

“It’s tough to raise kids in today’s world,” others said. “There’s only so much you can do.”

You could have done something years ago, Mary thought. You could have done something before the sharks got to your kids.

But if Mary was grieved by those who rejected homepooling altogether, she was even more grieved by the behavior of some homepoolers. She couldn’t believe it, but some of her homepooling friends were actually putting sharks right in their own backyard pools. “We can’t get by with this,” Mary protested. “Our kids aren’t immune to injury just because we’re homepooling! We can’t bring the same influences that are out in the public pools into our homepools and expect everything to be fine. A shark is a shark. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the public pool or in the homepool—it’s still going to hurt your kids!”

Some who had begun well decided to quit homepooling and started sending their kids back to the public pool. They seemed to have forgotten why they started homepooling in the first place. Mary couldn’t understand it. She knew she was going to keep homepooling all the way through to the finish.

Mary saw the cost of sending her kids back to the public pool. Yes, there were times when homepooling was difficult and taxed her patience. But what was that compared to the heartbreak of seeing her children come home from the public pool with ugly wounds and scars—or worse, perhaps seeing the day when they wouldn’t come home at all? Yes, there were times she wished she could go back to her old job, make more money, and have a more luxurious lifestyle. But what were the luxuries of this life worth in comparison to the blessing of knowing her kids were safe and happy at home?

Mary knew she was unnoticed by the world. She knew she might forever miss out on the acclaim and praise of man. She knew she would probably never achieve success as our world defines it. Many said she was wasting her life. But Mary didn’t care. How could she? Wasn’t it worth any sacrifice to raise her children for the glory of God? Wasn’t it worth any cost to see them reach adulthood whole, happy, and vibrant? Yes. A thousand times yes.

Jonathan Lewis, 28, is a homeschool graduate, and glad of it! Together with his parents and older brother, he helped start Home School Enrichment Magazine in late 2002, and currently serves as Editor. As a passionate advocate of home education, he writes and speaks from his perspective as a graduate, encouraging parents that homeschooling really does work! If you would be interested in having him speak to your group (or to contact him for any other reason), drop him a note at jonathan @ homeschoolenrichment.com

The Importance of Responsible Parenting

Does this describe you? I never really thought about it before, but I am a: “Helmet, life-vest and hat wearing, sunscreen using, hand-holding, cross walk-walking, stair-rail grabbing, ‘obey the rules kids!’” kind of mom. You know the type; the kind of mom who gets nervous whenever crowds, strangers, traffic, water or heights are involved. The kind of mom who rides the amusement park rides with her kids (with her hand firmly across their laps) AND/OR the type of mom who begs her husband, otherwise known in the family as “Dad,” to accompany the children on the rides until Dad finally intervenes and MAKES her let their ten-year old ride the roller coaster alone–“but only as long as you stay in line with him,” she insists…so there she stands, watching and praying the whole time. Yup. That’s me. My husband even said to Josh, “Obey the rules and hang on tight, Buddy, because if you get hurt, Momma is going to blame ME” (he survived, by the way….)

But what I’ve noticed in other families really worries me. Last week we traveled to beautiful Yosemite, and this week we are camping in the Redwoods above Santa Cruz, CA. Camping gives you a unique opportunity to “people-watch”, or more accurately in my case, “family-watch.” Have you ever taken the time to watch other families, or observe how other parents interact with their children? I’ve done a lot of that lately, and I must say: while many parents are “doing what they are supposed to be doing” safety/parenting-wise, it seems like many more are not. This week I’ve seen parents who think that letting their children sit or even walk on the edge of a rock wall just above a hundred foot drop is fun, who think barriers and warning signs should be ignored, who let their children sit where they shouldn’t sit on the bus (or walk around on the bus while its going), and who let their very young children (around 2 and 4 years) wade into cold, swift-flowing rivers that could drag them away as fast as you can blink (while they relax on a rock twenty feet away….do they really think they could get to them fast enough?)  What are these people thinking?!

Sometimes I think it is a miracle more children aren’t hurt….or kidnapped… (Our home neighborhood is full of unsupervised children of all ages roaming around at will)….sometimes I think it’s a miracle that ANY child makes it to adulthood at all!

I do try to find a balance of some sort my cautiousness and not become a total “helicopter” mom, but it is hard to find a reasonable balance nowadays when so many dangers abound. Only my husband keeps me from going completely overboard (sometimes I think he’s goes too far the other direction).

In addition to doing my job to keep my children safe,  (and hopefully instilling good habits in them),  I try to  train my children to be sensible, to obey the rules (even when I’m not around to enforce them), and of course, as necessity demands nowadays, I teach my boys about “stranger danger,” potential “child lures” and so on (minus the details of what might happen.)

Challenge: If you have “backed off” as far as safety rules or cautiousness is concerned, or if you’ve just gotten TIRED, as often happens, and stopped being diligent, please reconsider! It only takes a split second for a child to get hurt, lost, or worse.  I think it comes with the territory as “mom” to try to protect our kids, and make sure that they:

-Wear their bicycle helmets, even if they are riding “just for a minute.”

-Wear their life vests, especially when boating, swimming in the ocean or other places where there might be strong currents or unexpected drop-offs. And when my kids swim in friend’s swimming pools, I swim, too, or sit right on the edge of the pool and actually watch them! Personal story: My mom did the same, even when told by other moms that I would “be fine” and that “the older kids will watch Susan.” Thank-goodness my mom listened to her heart and refused to go into the house with the other moms, even though it was a very shallow pool….I’m sure she felt vindicated when she pulled me up from the bottom of the pool a few minutes later. The older kids didn’t even notice.

-Wear sunscreen: My mom passed away from Melanoma (skin cancer), so we are pretty strict about sunscreen.

-Wear hats: Hats do a lot to protect children from sunburn, and they also help protect their eyes. If the sun is bright to you, it’s bright to your kids! We trained all our children to leave their hats on when they were tiny babies. I simply kept putting that hat back on their little heads, and said, “NO” whenever they managed to pull their hats off. (I was determined, and I outlasted them.) Personal pet peeve: Parents who put babies in strollers or car seats and let the sun shine right in their eyes without concern (or even awareness.)

-Hand-holding: Yeah, I’m the mean mom who makes her boys hang on to a grown-up’s hand when crossing streets, in crowds, strange places, near the edge of cliffs, etc.

-Cross walks: Whenever cross walks are available, we use them. Not only is this a safety issue, but it’s the law.

-I tell my kids to “obey the rules!” I teach them that grown-ups don’t make rules to be mean or to spoil their fun, but to keep them safe. Additionally, when we obey the rules, we encourage others to obey them, too; we are setting a good example to others. The first step in this teaching my kids these safety rules is obeying the rules myself! I would hate to be the person who disobeyed a rule in front of a child…and then the child felt it was OK to disobey the rule, too, resulting in an accident.

What do you think? Are you a “helmet, life-vest and hat wearing, sunscreen using, hand-holding, cross walk-walking, stair-rail grabbing, “obey the rules kids!” kind of mom, too?!

~Susan (temporarily from Felton, CA)

© 2011 Susan Lemons all rights reserved. Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

Building Baby’s Brain

NOTE: I wrote this article for Home School Enrichment Magazine, and it appeared in issue #39, May/June 2009. They have graciously allowed me to reprint it on my blog.

 We’ve all seen them: products that promise to optimize your baby’s brain growth, increase the neural connections (synapses) in your baby’s brain, and give your baby a head start on learning. These claims are based on the fact that babies’ brains grow at a phenomenal rate, which, manufacturers claim, offers  a unique “window of opportunity” that parents can use to maximize their baby’s development. Some manufacturers imply that if you miss this special window  of opportunity, your baby’s intelligence will suffer. These claims are based on the premise that parents can somehow design or wire their baby’s brain, “building” a better baby. Better than they were before! Better, stronger, faster, and of course, smarter.

Many parents do believe that they can greatly influence their baby’s development. They believe that with the proper enrichment and stimulation, they can grow their baby into some sort of genius. Just follow the money and you’ll see the proof of these beliefs: parents spend more than 2 billion dollars on products promising such results every year. But do these products really work? To answer that question, we need to learn a little about brain development.

See How They Grow: Baby Brain Development

There is a lot about the human brain that scientists don’t know and can’t explain. Here are some things they do know: Babies are born with immature brains. While they contain almost the same amount of cells that adult brains do, the cells are not organized or connected properly (compared to an adult brain). During a baby’s first three years especially, his brain is busy building connections between cells. These connections are called neural connections, or synapses. By the time a child reaches three years old, his brain has made most of the necessary connections. In fact, your baby’s brain has made too many connections: the brain of a 3-year-old is twice as active as an adult’s brain. This is because his brain is less efficient than an adult’s brain. Over the next few years, the neural connections are refined: the connections that are used are strengthened, and those that are not needed are pruned away. But this pruning isn’t a bad thing. A child’s brain must prune connections in order to become more efficient. This is not the end of the story, though. The brain continues to grow and prune connections throughout life. Yes, you read that right: the truth is, the brain continues to grow and prune synapses as needed throughout life!  Since babies build these synapses based on experience, many parents assume that the more experiences they can provide for their babies, the more connections their babies’ brains will make, the bigger their brains will be, and the smarter their babies will become. This is not necessarily true. A bigger brain is not a guarantee of greater intelligence. Just look at nature. Many animals have bigger brains than humans do; human males have larger brains than females. Size does not correlate to intelligence. What makes the human brain more intelligent is its unique, God-given organization and refinements.

Since the human brain grows at such a phenomenal rate during its first three years, many “experts” urge parents not to miss the special window of opportunity to influence baby’s mental development during those years. They warn that once missed, the opportunity will be lost forever. They claim that certain skills are especially important to introduce early—primarily the development of second languages and learning music. In truth, the optimal “window of development” extends much longer than some “experts” suppose. From the book, Einstein Never Used Flash Cards:  “The window extends far beyond early childhood. Professor Huttenlocher writes, ‘Second-language teaching and musical training are likely to be more effective if started early, during the period of high plasticity, which includes the early school years (ages 5 to 10 years.)’  Thus, we needn’t rush music and language learning training into he crib.” [Emphasis added.]

There is great comfort in this—comfort for parents who have adopted an older child, for parents of developmentally delayed children, and for those of us who have older children.  We should never think that it is too late to learn music or a second language. It is never too late to enrich and develop your child’s mind and abilities—or even your own.

The Truth about Early Learning Systems

There is no evidence that videos, flash cards, or other infant “learning systems” will make your child smarter. But there is considerable evidence to show they are harmful. As David Elkind says in Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk, “When we instruct children in academic subjects, or in swimming, or gymnastics, or ballet, at too early an age, we miseducate them; we put them at risk for short term stress and long term personality damage for no useful purpose. There is no evidence that such early instruction has lasting benefits and considerable evidence that it can do lasting harm.” In Einstein Never Used Flashcards, the premise is put forth that the danger of too much early enrichment contributes to “neurological crowding.” This occurs when too much information is presented to children, competing with the neural connections that should be forming in the brain. This competition can potentially crowd out necessary connections and actually decrease the size and number of brain regions related to creativity and intelligence.

Babies need face-to-face interaction with responsive adults to learn. If you are truly concerned about helping your baby grow and develop his brain to its maximum capacity, you should spend time talking to and playing with your baby. Television takes away from a baby’s true learning time. In her article “Baby Einsteins: Not So Smart After All,” (TIME Magazine, August 6, 2007), Alice Park reports on a study from the University of Washington that showed that “With every hour per day spent watching baby DVDs and videos, infants learned six to eight fewer new vocabulary words than babies who never watched the videos. These products had the strongest detrimental effect on babies 8 to 16 months old, the age at which language skills are starting to form. The article continues: “Three studies have shown that watching television, even if it includes educational programming such as Sesame Street, delays language development. ‘Babies require face-to-face interaction to learn,’ says Dr. Vic Strasburger, professor of pediatrics at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics. ‘They don’t get that interaction from watching TV or videos. In fact, the watching probably interferes with the crucial wiring being laid down in their brains during early development.’”

Television and videos can actually delay language development instead of improving it. Additionally, some experts contend that television and videos actually shorten children’s attention spans, overstimulating their immature brains. Television trains children’s minds to expect high levels of stimulation—bright colors and quick changes. Real life is not always as interesting.

The AmericanAcademy of Pediatrics suggests that babies 2 and under shouldn’t watch any television and that it should be strictly limited even after this age. Television takes time away from play, exploration, and interaction with adults. This is where true learning takes place.

Finally, there’s context: Meaningful learning takes place in context. You can teach a baby to memorize the look and shape of words, and perhaps to recognize them, but without the appropriate life experiences and vocabulary to go with those reading skills, this “learning” is meaningless. They will not understand what they “read.” Research has proved over and over that there is no academic advantage to early reading.

What Parents Can Do to Enrich Baby’s Development

• Relationships first: developing a strong, emotional bond of love and trust is most important for you and your baby.

• During the early years, you are training your child’s habits and tastes. Television watching is a habit that is easy to acquire, but hard to break.

• Go ahead and expose your child to classical music. Sing to your children, too.  This may not make them grow synapses, but it will help set their tastes. It will set the stage for appreciation of music, and later, learning music.

• Instead of television, provide your little ones with interesting things to see, do, and explore. Put your baby on a blanket on the floor and place colorful toys around him. Let your toddler play with play dough or explore an indoor “sandbox” made from oatmeal or rice (for toddlers who won’t put it in their mouths!) Add plastic measuring cups and plastic-ware for more fun.

• Change your baby’s point of view. Switch your baby between the floor, a swing, a bouncer seat, a playpen, your arms, etc., and give him a new perspective on the world.

• Talk to your baby/preschooler all the time, about everything you are doing. Talk to your baby using “parentese”: that special, high-pitched voice and exaggerated facial expressions parents instinctively use when talking to babies. Involve your baby in “conversations”: when baby makes a sound, copy it, and then talk to baby. Be sure to pause and give baby time to respond to what you say. This teaches conversation skills.

• Remember that the “experts” who misinterpret brain research to mean that babies must be sufficiently “stimulated” or “taught” before age 3 do so to promote their products. They are using fear and guilt to compel parents to buy unnecessary merchandise.

• This isn’t to say that babies don’t benefit from enriching activities. It is the type and amount of stimulation that matters. Natural learning, as always, prevails as the best way to stimulate your baby’s development: things like gentle, consistent care, talking to babies, singing to babies, and reading to babies.

• Gentle sensory stimulation, if not overused, can be beneficial to babies. Place small babies on different types of textures: carpet, blanket, parachutes, and so on. Play baby games like “X Marks the Spot” or “So Big.”  Give your baby a gentle massage.

• If you want to spend some money on baby-learning products, remember that babies earn through relationship, interaction, play, and exploration. It would be better to invest in quality, old-fashioned toys and spend time playing with your baby than it would be to plop her down in front of a video.

Remember that there is no single window of opportunity that slams shut once babies reach a certain age. The brain continues to grow and prune synapses throughout life. You will not harm your baby by giving him a normal, loving babyhood minus the flash cards and videos. To the contrary—you will be giving your baby the best start possible.

© 2009 Homeschool Enrichment Magazine, all rights reserved. Used with permission.

You might also like: Curriculum for Babies?!

 What Babies Really Need: Creating a Stimulating Home Environment

Reading Aloud to Babies and Toddlers

We Have Another Graduate!

     (Belated post) My daughter Rebekah has graduated from homeschool-high school! (Two down, two to go!) Home Educator’s Resource Center put on its 14^th annual graduation ceremony on June 4, 2011, and it was beautiful…just like my daughter!

         One of HERC’s annual traditions is that the kids choose a community leader to honor—someone who has been a help or encouragement to homeschoolers/the homeschool community. This year, it was only natural that they chose to honor our own Peggy (you can learn more about HERC Bakersfield, and Peggy HERE.)  They read a tribute to her, and showed her a beautiful slide show of her life.

        Other traditions: A slide show of the kid’s senior pictures and their senior activities; a senior class theme and Bible verse; a spiritual challenge from the seniors to the juniors, and the graduation speakers (HERC alumni, who give advice to the seniors about staying the course spiritually, the challenges they will face as they become more independent, etc.) I also love that the parents may choose to be the ones to hand their children their diploma (lots of hugs, all around. That’s what we did. The kids still have other hands to shake— representatives of HERC, perhaps their private school satelite program leaders, etc.)

Bekah and one of her close friends, Emily

        Another tradition that I really love is the  “senior bios”. No public school could do this simply because of the size of their schools—graduation would take days! But since we have smaller classes, we have the time to do it.  Right after each senior’s name is called (and while s/he walks down to “shake hands” and get their diploma), their bio is read. It includes things like the student’s interests, accomplishments, awards, goals, and so on. I’m always amazed at the accomplishments of these kids!  Here is Bekah’s bio; I expanded it a tad for you:

Rebekah Anne Lemons

Rebekah Lemons is the second of four children in the Lemons’ family, and the only girl. She has been homeschooled “from birth.”

Affectionately nicknamed “Sis”, her sweet and loving personality has always been a blessing to all who know her.

Ever since she was a little girl, Rebekah has had a vivid imagination. Now that she’s older, she keeps it alive through her creative writing. She rarely goes anywhere without her notebook and her Bible, and hopes to become a (published) Christian fiction author (probably in the fantasy/science fiction genre.) She has memorized entire chapters of the Bible and can read, write and speak Japanese.

Although she’s “shy” in public, her friends and family know she’s anything but shy OR quiet. Rebekah overcame her public shyness to step out into the work world. She’s volunteered more than 300 hours at Summit Bible College, and was named “Volunteer of the Year” in 2010.  She is now employed at the college as an administrative assistant, and has already begun taking courses there. Rebekah plans to get her degree from Summit Bible College and then perhaps go on to another college for a degree in writing.

Bekah’s life verse is Jeremiah 29:11:  (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Rebekah (top row, middle right) and *most* of her class

Bekah and her younger brothers (my “two to go”!)

 

     Bekah also got her driver’s license this week, which means that she is driving herself across town to work. Please pray for her to be a cautious, confident and good driver; pray that she stays safe…and pray for my nerves! My baby girl is all grown-up! Where did the years go?      ~Susan

    

© 2011 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.  Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

Advice From Peggy

        A dear friend of mine passed away a few days ago, straight into the arms of Jesus. She was a Godly woman, beloved of many, and a mentor to hundreds (if not thousands) of homeschoolers–including me. We had a special “sisterhood” since we had both already lost our moms, and continued to miss them terribly.

        Peggy was a woman of vision who served the homeschooling community since 1993 as a support group founder/leader, private school administrator (in CA homeschoolers are private schoolers, so many form their own schools–in some states these are called “umbrella schools”– which provide services for/oversee the work of homeschoolers), and mentor.   Peggy was a gifted teacher, as many blessed homeschool graduates can attest; she especially loved to share her love of science (she was an archeologist/creation scientist who loved to share her fossils.)  But perhaps two of Peggy’s greatest gifts were the gifts of love and encouragement.

        Whenever any of us “moms” were discouraged, she was the “go to” person. We were guaranteed encouragement and a hearty hug…and she always seemed to know just what to say (perhaps because she had already successfully homeschooled her own four children all the way through high school, so she knew what we were going through.) I can remember several times when I was upset about something that was going on with my kids—when I was worried about their behavior, or worried that they weren’t learning enough. She gave me some great advice, which I will now pass along to you. I remember her hugging me and saying, “Now listen, sweetie. Your kids are going to be just fine. You are teaching them about the Lord, and that is the most important thing. If we can teach our children to know and love the Lord, how to read and write well, how to do basic math, and how to do research (so that they can look up anything else they want to learn–fill in any “gaps”), then what else do they need? We’ve given them all the necessary tools to succeed—to become anything the Lord calls them to be.” That advice always comforted me. It really makes homeschooling seem “doable”, doesn’t it? 

© 2011 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.  Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

What’s Wrong With Your Face? What’s Wrong With Your Manners?!

        I have always taught my children not to stare at people who are different, not to ask rude questions and not to make rude comments.  But last night my son was on the receiving end.

        My 10 year old Josh (like the rest of us) has been sick.  First he was diagnosed with a sinus infection and then he got the flu on top of it.  After he got over the flu, we thought he was finally on the mend…then he got severe hives.  Ends up he’s having an allergic reaction to the antibiotic he’s been on. 

        I really hated to take him out at all, but last night I had to get my daughter to a college class.  While we waited for her we went to get blood work done on Josh (he didn’t even flinch!).   Then we had some time to kill before her class was over.  There was a Borders store nearby so we decided to go there.  Josh looked awful (felt awful, too) so I warned him that people might look at him funny, or stare, or even ask him about his rash.  I told him if someone asked, he should answer that he wasn’t contagious, and that it was just hives–an allergic reaction.  It’s a good thing I warned him. 

        I thought perhaps another child might try to talk to him about his rash—but not an adult!

        While we were at the store, I had to use the restroom.  I told the boys to sit down outside the hall of the restroom and stay there for a minute.  In the time I was gone, an adult walked up to Josh and asked him, “What’s wrong with your face?” 

        I BEG your pardon?  What’s wrong with your face?!  This “adult” apparently didn’t know she was being rude, or didn’t care.  At least she could have asked nicely.  ”Are you feeling OK?” would have been appropriate; even, “Are you contagious?” would be understandable.  Better yet, she could have waited until *I* came out of the bathroom and diplomatically expressed concern over him to me—out of his earshot.  But, “what’s wrong with your face”?  I can’t tell you how upset that made me.

        It’s a good thing I wasn’t there…I honestly don’t know what I would have said.  I couldn’t believe that an adult would be so insensitive to a child. 

       Josh answered just as I told him to, and his feelings weren’t hurt, thank the Lord.  But the experience really got me thinking…and it did give me an opportunity to discuss it “differences” with the boys. 

       I told them to imagine that the rash was permanent.  What if his face was like that all the time?  How would it make you feel if people stared at your face, asked you about it all the time, or even made fun of you?  Imagine how hard that would be, and how much it would hurt your feelings.  What if one of us had another physical disability that made us different, such as a severe limp, the loss of a limb, hearing aides, scars, having to use a wheelchair, etc?  How would we want others to treat us?

       I guess the end of this rant is a simple:  Teach your children to be kind to others, especially those who are different.  Teach them not to stare or make rude comments.  Tell them that if they have questions about someone else’s appearance, they should ask you in private.  Most of all, lead by example.  Put yourself in another person’s shoes before you speak.  Watch your manners!

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.  Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

Routines, Part Two: Developing Your Own Daily Routines (for homepreschool/homeschool)

        If you have decided that you need to establish routines for your family—or even tweak the routines you already have in place—the first thing that you should remember is that this will take a little planning and a LOT of time and commitment (remember, the only way a routine becomes a routine is if it is consistently practiced on a day-to-day basis–so that it becomes a habit.)   

Planning Your Routines

        The first thing that you need to do is decide what the “skeleton” of your routine should be.  These are the non-negotiable things that must happen everyday…the things that you can’t skip or re-arrange.  These are the things that should get done even if you run into unusual circumstances such as illnesses, interruptions, doctor’s appointments, and so on.   My “skeleton” includes Bible/devotions (Monday through Friday), meals and snacks, nap time and bedtime.  In between the “bones” of my routine, I’m free to plan our day however I want to.  If you’d like to see some sample routines for preschool and kindergarten-aged children, be sure to check out my tab, “4R’s: Routine.”

        In addition to the basic examples of routines on my tab, there are some other items that we should remember to include in our routines…errands.  Many families choose a specific time one day per week to run errands, cook and freeze meals, clean house, etc.  We  opt to “do school” formally only 4 days a week, saving Fridays for messy art projects, field trips, park days (this is the fun stuff—what I call “Friday school”), and/OR cleaning house, running errands, and so on.  On Fridays, only the skeleton of our routine remains.  Similarly, on weekends, only the “skeleton” of the routine remains, leaving us free to be spontaneous, relax, or continue our housework.

What to Do if You Have Older and Younger Children

         So far, the things I’ve talked about are pretty basic.  But how do you plan your day if you have preschoolers AND older children?  How do you ensure that all your children get what they need?  That’s a lot harder.  I know from experience…I’ve done both Kindergarten and high school with babies/preschoolers in tow.  I know it’s tough!  None of us want our preschoolers to get “mommy leftovers”; nor do we want our older children to be left unsupervised, or trusted to do too much of their school work independently.

        So, what’s a mother to do? Here are the three best planning options that I have come across (the meat on the bones!):

1. Alternate your entire day between older and younger children, starting with the youngest. Spend time with your preschoolers, then alternate and spend time with your older children…continue this pattern throughout the day.  Be sure to give your preschoolers their own “preschool” time (circle time, art, developmentally appropriate activities/play), so that they will see that they are just as important to you as your older children are.  After all, we plan activities for our older children, don’t we?  I believe our preschoolers deserve the same.  An hour or two of special attention is all it takes. 

 2. Concentrate on your preschoolers in the morning, and then your older children in the afternoon.  Assign your older children independent work in the morning for an hour or two while you enjoy your “homepreschool” time with your young ones.  Depending on the ages of your older children, independent work could include things such as personal daily devotions/Bible reading, handwriting or copy work, spelling, independent reading, music practice, etc. Once your homepreschool time is done, get your preschoolers involved in play and then work with your older children.  Be sure to read my article, “Keeping Little Ones Busy”  for ideas to help your preschoolers stay busy and happy while your school your older children.    In the morning, your older children will enjoy taking breaks to “help you” do music with your preschoolers; if you provide open-ended art for your preschoolers, older children will enjoy joining you for those activities, too.  Don’t forget to give your older children frequent play breaks, as well.

        After lunch, read aloud to your preschoolers and then put them down for nap or quiet time in their rooms. 

        Once the preschoolers are settled, concentrate on your older children.  Start by checking the work they have done in the morning.  Then, while your preschoolers are still napping, work on your hardest school subjects/the subjects that need the most uninterrupted attention (phonics, math, editing writing, etc.)  I usually sit between my boys while they do these subjects. Try to look at, discuss, and correct the rest of your children’s work right as they finish it. 

        Once your preschoolers wake up from nap, take a break and cuddle them awhile, give everyone a snack, and then get your preschoolers involved in some play before continuing your school time with your older children (if necessary.)  This might be a good time to do the subjects that need lots of discussion—science OR history (alternate them–don’t try to do both in one day!)  Once your school time is done, follow the rest of your daily routine like normal.

3.  Teach all your children together as much as you can, using the unit study/“bus stop” method (there is still some alternating involved.)  If your children are fairly close in age (preschool-first grade, for example) it’s easy to do almost everything together—especially if you use a unit study method.  The rule is: Do what your can with all your children, and then let your youngest “off the bus” for free play whilst you continue to work with your older children.  Take frequent play breaks, and be careful to keep things developmentally appropriate for your youngest children. 

        The thought behind this: a) Preschoolers pick up a lot by listening in on older children’s lessons (passive learning), and b) it saves time, making a shorter day compared to the first two options. 

         If you choose to use this method, you’ll want to treat everything you do like a unit study: Everyone “studies” the same things, but each “studies” at their own level.  Here is what a typical day might look like: 

        Do your family worship and Bible time with all your children first thing in the morning; yes, including your preschoolers.  Preschoolers love to participate in worship and Bible memory work.  If your older children’s Bible story/devotional doesn’t hold your preschooler’s attention as well as you’d like, read your preschoolers a short, age-appropriate version of your Bible story first, and then let them “off the bus” to color printable Bible story pages that correlate with the Bible story while you continue Bible with your older children (OR let your preschoolers play quietly with Bible felt sets/your “box of the day.”)  After a short break, do your “circle time” with all your children:  Calendar, perhaps the flag salute, music/singing, and then your story time. This is your unit study—the time you spend reading about the topic/theme of your choice.  Spend a little time talking about what you read and reviewing any new vocabulary.  If you have any activity to accompany your unit (remember, activities are not required), do it next.

        After another play break, let your preschoolers “off the bus” for the day.  Get them involved in some play (or perhaps your box of the day—be sure to read “Keeping Little Ones Busy”) while your older children do their math lessons (keep your preschoolers close by, and/or let them play with math manipulatives.)  After math is completed (be sure to check it on the spot!), have everyone take an outside play break for 20-30 minutes.  When you come inside, have your morning snack before getting your preschoolers involved in another activity—play dough, a sensory tub, or a simple art project that isn’t too messy (stickers and felt tipped pens, stencils and colored pencils, water colors, etc).  While they are happily engaged, start your phonics/language arts lessons.  After your phonics/language arts lessons are complete, take another play break together…perhaps a longer one, if time permits.  Try to get some outside play time if weather permits. 

        If you start your day at a reasonable hour and keep your lessons developmentally appropriate (in other words, on the short side), you should be able to wrap up your school time before noon.  During the afternoons while your preschoolers nap, your older children can finish their lessons (if they haven’t already.) 

        Once everyone is awake again, use the rest of your day for more creative/outside play, art, learning games for your older preschoolers, and so on.

    Let me know how it goes–I love comments!

            ~Susan

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.  Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

More About Routines: Why They are Important

        When Jolanthe from Homeschool Creations wrote a review of my book, Homepreschool and Beyond, she asked her readers to check out my blog and then post on her blog as an entry to win the book.  They could choose between naming some of the articles that originally inspired me to write the book (see the tab, “my articles”), OR share which of the 4R’s (relationship, routine, readiness, and reading aloud) they needed the most help with.  Here is the breakdown of the replies about the 4R’s: 

 50–Routines

17–Reading Aloud

14—Readiness

9—Relationships

         As you can see, routines won hands-down.  Many of the mothers stated that they needed help with their routines; some even wondered if routines are really necessary.  In response, I’ve decided to write a couple of  posts that will answer these concerns (I will also write a post about the second most chosen of the 4R’s: Reading Aloud.)  Anyway, here is the first post—“More About Routines.”

         I know from experience that routines can be hard. Routines involve self-discipline…they just aren’t going to happen by themselves!  We’re starting our 18^th year of homeschooling now, and we have tweaked our routines more times than I can count.  Our routines have changed due to my husband’s work days and hours, the ages of our children, our health, the time of year (in summer we play in the morning and do school in the afternoon, for instance), and more.   You’d think that after 17 years I’d have it all together by now, but I don’t…especially in regards to my homemaking routines right now.  In fact, writing this post has been convicting to me–I know what I need to do, but making myself do it on a consistent basis is another thing.  So don’t be discouraged—you’re certainly not alone.  Read on, and know that I’m working on this with you.  Be sure to check back again soon to read the next post on this topic, “establishing routines that will work for you”. 

What are Routines?

        I want you to know that when I talk about routines, I’m NOT talking about a down-to-the-minute “schedule” that becomes a burden or a slave driver to your family.  You don’t have to rush through your day, trying to meet artificial deadlines every fifteen minutes or half-hour. What I’m talking about simply a sense of “what comes next.”  Perhaps a good term to remember is a “relaxed routine.”

        A relaxed routine doesn’t mean that you don’t have any goals, though; as with everything, there is a need to find a balance.  For us, this has meant that meal times, snack time, naptimes and bedtimes are kept as consistent as possible—you might think of them as the “skeleton” of your routine.  The rest of the routine, however, is much more flexible.  I like to allow enough time to follow my children’s lead within the routine—so if the children get caught up in their play, or want to paint 4 pictures during art time, or feel like doing 3 math lessons (yes, this has happened at our house), it’s OK.  We might have to shorten the next activity, but that doesn’t throw the rest of the day into chaos. 

        It’s a good idea to have some basic goals for different times of the day—for instance, “we should have our breakfast, chores, family worship time, circle time, a preschool activity (art OR cooking experience OR science activity OR game-time OR manipulatives OR planned/creative play), snack time, and outside play time finished before 11:30 so that we can eat lunch at 12:00”.  Another one might be, “we should finish lunch, get washed up/brush teeth, and be ready for our read aloud time by 1:00 so that the preschoolers can be napping by 1:30.” 

        There are several different types of routines that you might want to put into place:  Morning routines, mealtime routines, bedtime routines, and school routines….some parents prefer to think of them separately this way, while others think in terms of the whole day’s routine.  We do a bit of both.  Additionally, I plan cleaning routines and personal routines as well.  I call our cleaning routines “standard operating procedures” or SOP for the kids.  (“Did you finish the kitchen SOP?”)

Why Are Routines Important?

        Now let’s address the question, “Why are routines important?” And, “Are routines even necessary?” 

        I believe that routines are not only necessary, but vitally important.

        Routines help children in many different ways.  One of the most important things that routines provide for children is emotional security.  Children—especially young children—derive security from that sense of “what comes next.”  This security helps children learn to trust that their parents will take care of them, and this trust enhances the parent-child bond.   This security/trust/bond is especially important to grow and maintain during the baby/toddler years…but of course, it should be a continuing part of life, all life-long, for every child. 

        Routines help children stay on an even keel emotionally, and will prevent emotional meltdowns.  This will save your sanity.  It helps your children behave better and makes your home a more peaceful and happy place to be.  Conversely:  Children who aren’t on a regular routine are often over-tired, hungry, irritable and stressed.

        Without a daily routine there could be important activities that you overlook on a day-to-day basis—even things like personal hygiene (brushing teeth, baths, etc), as well as important activities such as reading aloud, time spent with each child, etc. 

        Routines help children grow helpful habits that will benefit them the rest of their lives.  Good habits help us do the things we should do with little thought or effort.  Habits involve not only the “big picture” of our daily routine in general, but all those little things that make up our daily routine as well (personal hygiene, picking up toys, etc.)

        I believe that our very character, attitudes and manners are affected by the habits we learn (or don’t learn) as children.  Charlotte Mason wrote, “the habits of the child produce the character of the man . . .every day, every hour, the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character and conduct depend.”

        Once a good habit is learned, little mental effort is involved in the task at hand…it’s just something we do.  It requires little thought and practically no effort.  You might say that we work on “autopilot.”  This is more help than you can imagine.  As Charlotte Mason says, “A mother who takes pains to endow her children with habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children.” 

        Finally, routines help young children grow their self-confidence and independence.  Once children are secure in their routines, they’ll know when its time to brush their teeth, get dressed, and so on—and they’ll be confident and ready to try those activities independently.    

        Next post:  Developing Your Own Daily Routines

 © 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.  Copyrighted materials may not be re-distributed or re-posted without express permission from the author.

Generations Radio Interview

      Ever wonder what I sound like?  I’m sure it won’t be what you imagine.  But if you’d like to know, you can listen to me on Generations Radio. 

    I was blessed to be interviewed this week by Kevin Swanson, a Pastor, author, leader in the homeschool community, and a homeschooling dad. 

    We talk about my book, the advantages of homepreschool versus institutional preschool, building relationships, the importance of conversation, music, and lots more.  You can listen HERE.

     Live the 4R’s!

                     ~Susan

Not Enough Time: Really Being There for our Kids

     Classic Re-post:  This was first posted on my Homeschool Enrichment blog two years ago–and again when this blog was new.  I thought it was worth reviving.  My next post will be on our curriculum plans for next year.)

     As homeschooling moms, we devote virtually all our time and energy to our homes and families.  They are our very lives.  So if anyone dares to suggest that we aren’t doing enough, we naturally feel defensive or insulted.  I received such an “insult” recently, from my own seven year old.  My own son! (Whine, whine.)  He said (speaking for himself and his little brother,)  “You don’t spend enough time with us.”  

     My initial response: “WHAT?!  Not enough time with you?  What do you mean?  I’m with you everyday, all day.  I spend LOTS of time with you.  I take care of you, cook for you, read to you, do school with you…”  

     “That’s just it, Mommy,”  he answered.  We spend TOO much time doing school.  We want to do other things with you.” 

     “Other things?”  I probed.  “What kinds of other things?” 

     “Oh, you know…FUN things.  Things like playing outside with us, playing more games with us, doing more art, teaching us to cook…FUN STUFF!” 

     At first I was cross about this.  How could he say I don’t spend enough time with them?  Haven’t I devoted my whole life to these kids?! (More whining.)  And as for school time…we only spend around two hours a day.  How could that be too much? 

     Then I started thinking:  He’s just a little boy. He wants a relationship with me; that’s a good thing!  He needs me to be there for him not only physically, but emotionally.  Why can’t I put more effort into our relationship?  Why can’t I spend some time doing the “fun stuff”? 

     I realized that lots of times, if I was honest with myself, I would have to admit that while I am at home physically, I am not there emotionally.  Haven’t you all done this too?  Emotionally, you’re somewhere else.  Your mind is not with your children at all.  When they talk to you, you aren’t paying attention, but you mumble “uh-huh” anyway without really listening.  You are too busy doing housework, watching the news, cooking dinner, or even planning the next day’s school work to listen.  Any “conversations” are very one-sided. 

     Our children need more than that.  They need us to be fully engaged with them all the time.  They need us to put an effort into our relationship.  They need us to take time to do the fun stuff.  The fun stuff builds relationships and happy memories. 

     That is why I have decided to put some extra effort into my relationship with my kids.  Not because our relationships are bad, but because I want to see if they could be better. 

     Here are the things I have decided to do.   I challenge you to do them, too: 

     I am going to be more conscious of where my attention really is, making sure I am with my children both emotionally and physically.  I will take the time to have meaningful conversations with them, even if the conversation is just about their latest “Lego” creation.  They need to know I care.

     I’m going to make school more fun.  We will play more games, do more art, do some cooking and other hands-on activities.  I know that these are important parts of learning for young children, but I’ve let life get in the way of them recently.  No more.

     Finally, we are going to do “Christmas in July”.  Why should all the major fun and messy projects be saved till Christmas, when we are too busy to enjoy them?  This year, we are going to take time this month to do some of the projects I’ve been putting off.  I’m going to spread the fun around.  We’re going to paint, and bake, and make presents.   

     Let’s get out there and play, create, and converse with our children.  Let’s build relationships and happy memories.  Want to join me? 

  -Notes to my “remember mind”:  Make the main thing the main thing.  Be there emotionally.  Build relationships.  Stop whining before it spreads to the kids.

– Notes to my “Un-remember mind::  Forget the guilt over past projects that were left undone, and move on to the next thing.

© 2008, 2009, 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

What Kind of Homepreschool Mom are You?

    Tonight I wanted to muse about about different types of homepreschooling moms.  I’ve noticed three common types over the years; I wonder if you agree with my observations. 

1.  Keep ’em Busy Moms:  These moms have a singular goal:  Keep their preschoolers busy and “out of their hair”.  These moms overload their homes with toys and videos, with the hope that they will keep their children occupied and quiet.  These moms interact with their children only when they have to:  When the children are misbehaving, need physical care, or when meals must be served.  There is no schedule, little conversation, little time spent reading, little to no time spent participating in enriching art activities (too messy), and even less intentional spiritual or character training happening in these homes. 

2.  Competitive Moms:  These moms are aware of the importance of the preschool years, and have the best of intentions:  They want to give their children every academic advantage. They follow a strict daily schedule overloaded with “educational” activities, phonics lessons, math lessons, music lessons, and more.  There is little time for creative play…all play must have an educational purpose. Toys likewise must be “educational”, with electronic games dominating the toy box.   There is a lot of time spent reading aloud, but the reading selections are often too advanced for the children to enjoy.  Art and other enriching activities are offered, but since the emphasis is often on a lesson or an end product instead of the experience itself, the children don’t enjoy the activities.  While there is much time spent in conversation, there is little time to enjoy each other’s company…there is little time for JOY.  The children feel pushed, pressured and stressed; day by day, they are become more and more squirmy and resistant to their “lessons”.  Little time is spent on Bible or character training, since the total emphasis of the home is on academics.  The pressure is always on for these children, and the relationship they have with their parents suffers because of it. 

3.  The Balanced Mom:  The balanced mom seeks to address the needs of the WHOLE child…academically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  The balanced mom first and foremost emphasizes relationship with her children.  It is her goal to help her children grow close personal relationships God, and then with his/her family. 

     Balanced moms understand that children need to feel wanted and loved, and so she deliberately spends time working, playing and talking with their children everyday. 

      Balanced moms develop a simple daily schedule for her children–one that includes reading Bible stories, prayer, music, story time, and play time.  Children often dabble in art or music– (just for fun), and spend hours playing every day.  These children are neither ignored or indulged, over-stimulated or under-stimulated.

      Balanced moms want their children to learn, but understand that every child learns best in natural ways, and at his/her own pace.  Balanced moms see all of life as a learning opportunity, and try to take advantage of the interests and ‘teachable moments” in the lives of her children.   

    The balanced mom “makes the main thing the main thing,” emphasizing personal relationship with God, and character training. 

   What type of mom are you?  What type of mom do you WANT to be?!

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.   

“I Can” Homeschool and Chore Chart

   One of Charlotte Mason’s mottos for children was, “I can, I ought, I will”, so I suppose it’s only appropriate that our family’s way of rewarding our children for their daily routine, chores, and anything “well done” is called “I-Cans”.  

    I first got this inspiration from a friend who showed us her I-Cans.    Over the years I’ve tweaked the system to meet the needs of our family. 

   Below is a picture of our I-cans (my first pictures on the blog–I’m so excited!)   I made the I-Cans by copying and pasting the phrase “I Can” over and over on a sheet of paper, and then having my son draw and add the “eye” picture (on Photoshop.)  Next I drew circles around them.  My I-Cans are between the size of a quarter and half dollar, so that they fit inside our pocket chart perfectly.  Once I had a page of I-Cans, I went to a copy center and had several sheets copied onto heavy paper, and then cut them out.  I made our I- Cans in a different color for each boy.  You could also make special colors to indicate special rewards. (Another option:  Use tickets.  You can find tickets–the kind they use at raffles–at school supply stores in several different colors.)

      We use our I-Cans in two different ways; in our chart, and on a pin.  Notice the holes punched in the I-Cans?  This is to accomodate the pins.  (I used a tiny hole punch.)  We put the I-Cans onto baby diaper pins and pin them to the children’s shirts, where they become a constant reminder of how the children are behaving that day (or not.) 

     Each child starts the day with ten I-Can’s.  Everytime they are naughty, they have to give up an I Can (rule: give it up nicely or lose another for bad attitude.)  Every time I catch them being good or doing something extra nice, I reward them with an I-Can.  At the end of the day, we count and see what they have left.  If they have more than five left, they get another  I-Can and/or some small instant reward. 

     Every night before bed we count that day’s I-Cans and “bank” them (save them in the bank).   Our bank is inside the door of our kitchen pantry, and our chore chart is on the outside, secured with Command Adhesive strips. 

     Friday is Banking Day.  Fridays are the only days that the children are allowed to count all their I-Cans.  Each week, the boys have a choice:  Do I trade in my I-Cans for a short-term reward? (This would be small treats like choosing a movie to watch at home, a small toy like a Matchbox car or bouncy ball, sidewalk chalk, or a candy bar–we love the dollar section at Target for our prizes.)  Do I save up my I-Cans for a better reward (a trip to the ice cream shop, going to an appropriate movie at the theatre, etc), or do I save for a month or more for something I really want?  (The best rewards take a long time to earn.)  We might buy a Lego set that they really want and place it on the fireplace mantel for them to drool over.  We label it with the number of I-Can’s they’ll need to earn it.  A set worth $25 might “cost” the boys 300-400 I-Cans.  Another option is to assign a dollar amount for each I-Can (ten cents each, for instance), but this can get too expensive!

         I use a pocket chart from the school supply store to make our chart.  You can order one like mine HERE, but there are many different chart options available.  HERE is another one from Amazon (chores only); HERE are some different ideas for using charts and some FREE printable charts. 

      My chart has three rows for each boy; each of the rows is highlighted with his I-Can colors.  The first row lays out our morning routine; the second row our school day, and the third row highlights behavior.  That leaves one extra row.  We call this row weekly “priviledge.”  I made the labels on our chart with my P-Touch.  Take a look:

   To the left is a close-up of   the “priviledge” row.  Each week one of the boys is on “priveledge.”  Whoever is on priviledge (we call it “Josh’s week” or “Ben’s week”) gets to do certain special things (priviledges), but in exchage for the priviledge, extra chores are assigned.  “Priviledge” solves a lot of problems for me.  Whose turn is it to get the mail?  Whose turn is it to choose a movie if they can’t agree?  Who gets to choose their seat in the car?  Who gets to sit on my left side (don’t ask why–I have no idea why they’d fight over this) during story time?   Who gets to pick the story at bedtime (if I’m offering a choice),  and who gets to choose the story tape to listen to at bedtime?  The answer is always on the chart.  

      To make the marker so that the boys can see their names, I glued two “I-can’s” –one for each boy, in his colors–back-to-back onto a small piece of cardboard (about two inches high) and then laminated it. 

      The extra chores in exchange for for “priviledge” are:  Go-fer (bring things to mom/run inside and grab the cell phone, etc), pick up dog poop (once a day), laundry helper (tote and carry, help fold or put away as needed), check animals daily (food/water), and take the garbage/garbage cans out (as needed), wipe the outside of the toilet (daily.)  Remember, my boys are 9 and 7.

     Every morning we do our first row (with one exception these are “before school” chores.)  As the boys finish each chore, they earn an I-Can.  Our morning chores are (from top to bottom):

–Breakfast, vitiamins; one of the boys has “inhaler” on his chart (for asthma), and the other has “fingernails” (he is a nail biter, so we inspect his fingernails, and paint them with something like “Thum“.)  They must eat what they are offered at breakfast and cheerfully take their inhaler or get their fingernails painted to earn an I-Can.

-The next pocket is dress, (get dressed appropriately for the day), laundry (pick up any clothes on the floor and put jammies away), and bed (straighten.)

-The next pocket is teeth (brush), face (wash) and hair (comb.)

-The next pockets say:  Josh-unload dishwasher; Ben-wipe bathroom sinks/counters and “bathroom check” (look for anything left on the floor, check hand-towels and toilet paper.)

-The final chore box isn’t entirely done before school.  It says: Josh-lunch table (clear food away and wipe table) and garbage out (kitchen); Ben-breakfast table, floor under table and floor patrol (look around in the family room for toys left out, and pick them up.)  Wiping the table without making a worse mess is a skill we are still working on.

-The school row is the same for each boy.  Right now it is slighly out of order, but we use it as-is.  The pockets are (from top to bottom): Bible, memory (memory verse/recitation practice), hymn; unit, game; math; reading, copywork; speech (speech therapy practice) and PE/play (outside time.)  I didn’t add rewards for art, music, etc, since the boys love to do them so much.

-The final row is our behavior row, and it too is the same for each boy.   In that row we have: Obey, Honor; Cheerful, Helper, Share; Worker, Picked up; Good Eater.

     Our I-Can Rules: 

-Each chore or school subject completed cheerfully and well earns an I-Can. 

-At the end of the day, we go over the behavior chart and add I-Can’s for good behavior.  Alternate idea:  Go over the behavior portion of the chart at noontime, too. 

-Once I-Cans are in the chart or in the bank, they cannot be taken away; these have been earned.  Only the I-Can’s pinned to their shirt can be taken away for bad behavior.

-At the end of each day, we put the I-Cans earned for that day in the bank. 

-Banking day is the only day the boys can count their I-Cans and retrieve their prizes.

Rules for pins:

-When you “lose” an I-Can from your pin, you must hand it over cheerfully or you will lose another one for bad attitude.

–No asking or hinting for I-Cans.  Mom can’t see everything; sometimes doing good is its own reward.

-You can tell Mom when your brother deserves and I-Can (when he does something extra nice for you); but you may NOT tell (tattle) on your brother, saying he deserves to have one taken away.  Mom decides this.

-Be careful with your I-Cans:  No bending them or getting them wet.

-Five or more I-Can’s left on the pin at the end of the day earns an extra I-Can and/OR a small treat (right away.)

-You may not remove your I-Can’s from your shirt after Mom pins them on you, or you lose them all.

     It sounds complicated, but once you get going on it, a chart like this works really well.  Just make sure your children know all the I-Can rules before you begin enforcing them.  You should also be sure that your children understand your house rules, so that they understand which behaviors might result in losing an I-Can.

     Final tips:  Teach one new chore at a time.  Teach it in the four step process:  Show them how to do it, help them do it, watch them do it, inspect the job they’ve done.  Inspection is extremely important!

-Remember that the goal is to develop a routine that becomes a habit.   Working cheerfully, properly, and well should also become a habit (eventually!)

-Make sure your chores are developmentally appropriate.  Preschoolers can do chores like straightening beds, feeding pets (dry food), sorting laundry, tote and carry, picking up after themselves, wiping counters (if you ring out the rag), vaccuming, sweeping, dusting, and so on.  For ideas about teaching your children to work, check out the books below.

Life Skills for Kids by Christine Field

401 Ways to Get Your Kids to Work at Home

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

What Babies Really Need: Creating a Stimulating Home Environment for Babies

         If babies don’t need curriculum, what do they need?  Babies really need only two things:  1). Loving, responsive, and consistent care from their parents, and 2). A stimulating (or enriching) home environment.

         The most important thing babies need is their parents. No substitute caregiver or expensive “curriculum” can replace this need.  During their first year, babies are bonding with their parents, and learning that they can trust their parents to take care of them.  From this trust grows security—and security is essential for normal personality development.  

Loving care:  Babies need to know that they are loved.  We communicate our love to them in many ways; by gently caring for them, through appropriate touch, and by the tone of voice we use when we talk to them. Remember to make eye contact with your baby, and engage her in “conversations” (she makes a sound, you reply; you then wait for her to respond again.)

Responsive care:  Some developmental “experts” encourage parents to deny their instincts when it comes to their babies—even newborn babies.  They encourage parents to strictly schedule their baby’s feedings, and make them “cry it out” at night until the clock says its time for them to wake up and/or be fed.  Babies don’t function by the clock.  (Dr. Penelope Leach has made the news lately by stating that crying it out damages babies brains…it’s common sense that such a strict schedule might be emotionally damaging for babies.)  For nursing babies, it is especially dangerous (some parents have actually starved their nursing infants to death by keeping them on a strict feeding schedule….nursing is a balance between supply and demand.)  Instead, follow your heart and respond to your baby’s cries.  Remember that your baby has emotional and social needs as well as physical needs, and give your baby the time and attention he deserves by letting him be closely attached to you.   Also remember that comforting your baby and bonding with him are legitimate reasons to let him nurse, even if “he shouldn’t be hungry yet.”

        Some “experts” believe that babies can be spoiled by too much attention…especially if they are held too much.  But in my experience, babies can’t be spoiled.  In fact, by giving them the emotional attachment they need while they are small, we are giving them what they need to grow up to be independent, self-confident and secure.  Besides, studies have shown that babies who are held more cry less…and isn’t that every parent’s goal?

Consistent Care/Routines:  Too strict of a schedule is problematic not only for baby, but for you as well.  Instead of trying to adopt a strict schedule, try a simple routine.  Instead of a timed-to-the-minute schedule that can become oppressive, a routine is simply an “order of events” for the day.  It can be flexible, reflecting baby’s needs and your needs as well.  This allows us to be consistent in our care-giving, while allowing for interruptions to our routine such as illness, travel, etc. 

        Babies, like preschoolers, come to depend on that sense of what comes next.  Routines keep babies on an even keep emotionally, and helps prevent meltdowns.  (See the tab 4 R’s: Routine.)   If you really are serious about enriching baby’s development, consider planning to include some of the elements listed below under “a stimulating home environment” during your baby’s quiet and alert times.

Repetition:  Babies thrive on repetition.  They don’t need a “curriculum” full of 20 million different board books, lullabies, baby-games, nursery rhymes, etc; instead, choose a few of your favorite elements and include them, a few at a time,  every day (as part of your “stimulating home environment”.)  Remember, babies love and need repetition, so use only a few at a time.

A Stimulating Home Environment:  Babies don’t need a pre-planned curriculum to learn.  We can easily provide them with all they need.   Here are some of the most important elements:  

~Routine:  Bring baby into your daily routine, talking to her  about everything you are doing. 

~Floor time:  Babies need time on the floor every day to help them improve their muscle control  and coordination.  Try these ideas:   Place baby on his tummy near a shatter proof mirror, or place colorful toys, toys with black and white designs, or board books with pictures of faces near baby.  These encourage baby to lift his head to take a look around.  You can also try laying baby on his back underneath a mobile or baby gym. 

~Offer your baby a change of perspective:  Alternate baby between different places and types of safe environments so that she can get a new perspective on the world.  Besides the floor, try a baby swing,  bouncer seat (we used these a lot on top of the kitchen island while I was cooking),  saucer seat,  Johnny Jump-Up,  etc as is appropriate for your baby’s age and development.  Babies love being outside as well—sometimes nothing else will soothe them.  Just remember to keep your baby out of the direct sun (we trained our babies to wear hats from infancy, to protect their tender skin and eyes.)   Even providing a new quilt for baby to lie on during floor time changes baby’s view of the world. 

~Play time:  Our babies need us to play with them every day.  Traditional baby games such as Peek-a-boo, How Big is Baby?, etc are not only fun but bonding and learning experiences for babies.  For some great ideas, visit your local Gymboree class, or invest in one of these books:

• Songs and Games for Babies, by by Susan Hodges 
• Gymboree’s The Parent’s Guide to Play, by Dr. Wendy S. Masi 
• Wonderplay by Fretta Reitzes

 ~Reading Aloud:  Have you started reading aloud to your baby everyday?  Reading aloud is one of the most important things parents can do to help their baby learn.  Here are a few of my favorites for the first year:

• Big Red Barn, Good Night Moon,  Runaway Bunny, by Margaret Wise Brown
• Very Busy Spider,  The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
• Pat the Bunny, by Dorothy Kunhardt
• My First Book of Sounds, by Melanie Bellah (Little Golden Book)
• The Foot Book, by Dr. Suess  

~ Singing:  Do you sing to your baby?  Babies need to be sung to everyday, no matter how bad we think we sound.  Singing to babies helps them to develop their language and listening skills, musical skills, and more.  Here are some of our favorites:

• Lullabies:  Jesus Loves Me, You are My Sunshine, Rock-a-bye Baby, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, Hush Little Baby, Brahms Lullaby, etc. 
• Action songs and lap songs:  Wheels on the Bus (circle hands or feet), Row Your Boat (circle baby’s feet), The Noble Duke of York, Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes (touch correct body parts), and Open, Shut Them (since babies can’t open and close their hands yet, do this by spreading their arms way out, and then crossing them over their chest for “shut them”), This is the Way the Ladies Ride, and so on; and bath time songs such as “This is the Way We Wash our Hair” etc (my favorite source is Joanie Bartel’s Bathtime Magic ~~all of hers are good.  I also recomend Raffi’s Singable Songs for the Very Young.)   

Final Helps:  Here are some articles to help you become a more responsive parent to you baby:

More about Dr. Leach & crying babies (both sides of the issue) http://www.wikio.co.uk/news/Penelope+Leach

 Dr. Sear’s site on attachment parenting (remember to keep this balanced…no one can hold their baby all the time, and co-sleeping has it’s own pro’s/cons/safety issues):  http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp

 You Tube Videos on Dunston’s baby language (how to understand your baby’s cries–it’s worth a try!):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6CFSGAueyo

 Dunston’s own website: http://www.dunstanbaby.com

        Remember, what your baby needs most is not some new “educational” toy or “curriculum”; your baby needs YOU.  

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

Curriculum for Babies?!

         A day or two ago I got an email from a reputable homeschool supply company describing their newest product—a homeschool curriculum for babies. 

         I object.  In my opinion, babies do not need “curriculum”.

         Don’t get me wrong…I’ve often stated that I homeschooled my four children “from birth” (maybe I’ll quit saying that.) But to me, “homeschooled from birth” refers to the fact that my children were cared for at home versus being sent away for childcare–not that I actually used a  “curriculum” to “teach” them at such a tender age. 

         I have to admit, the idea of an infant curriculum makes me mad.  Perhaps it’s just me.  Perhaps it’s just semantics, but this is a personal pet peeve.  We developmentalists have enough trouble encouraging parents to relax and enjoy the preschool years without the need for curriculum (and the pressure that goes along with it) without curriculums being offered for babies and toddlers. 

         I decided to see if this was an unusual phenomenon, so I Googled “curriculum for babies” and found that this is not a new or unusual thing.  I quickly found other curriculums—for babies as young as three months old.  Additionally, our state and national governments are developing national curriculums for babies, which include “benchmarked standards” (is your baby rolling over yet?  Well, why not?!)  Can you imagine?  What’s next, the child development police? 

         Time for a reality check.  The common definition of “curriculum” is a “course of study; an integrated course of academic study”.  Do babies need academics?  No, of course not.  My definition of curriculum is very different; I say that curriculum is “anything and everything that helps your child learn.”  In this sense, I guess you could call developmentally appropriate toys and such baby’s “curriculum”.  Even so, do parents really need to spend hundreds of dollars on something like this?  Do babies really need to be “educated”? 

         Many of the “toddler curriculums” I found include workbooks. I definitely have a problem with this.  Toddlers do not need coloring books, cut and paste books, and so on.  The term “toddler” traditionally refers to babies once they are learning to walk (toddling)–until they walk with good coordination–usually children between the ages of eleven months until the age twenty-four months.  Children this age do not need any type of workbooks. 

         It certainly is true that babies and toddlers are learning and growing at an amazing rate, but I object to the idea that they need any type of pre-planned “curriculum” to “maximize” or “optimize” their development (you’ll hear lots of phrases like that if you research early curriculum or “educational” toys.)   In fact, I object to the term “curriculum” having anything to do with babies and toddlers and I can’t imagine the type of guilt and stress such “curriculums” must place on young parents. 

        The more companies carry such products…the more websites offer such “curriculums”…the more parents will feel that such “curriculums” are necessary.  The temptation for many parents will be to rely on the curriculum, making it a slave driver while turning the happy, fleeting years of babyhood into a “to do” list.

        Rest assured, your baby does not need any type of pre-planned curriculum to grow up healthy, happy, physically coordinated and intelligent.  All they need is loving, consistent care from their parents, and an enriching home environment.

        Next post:  If babies and toddlers don’t need a curriculum, what do they need?  How do we provide an enriching home environment for babies, without going overboard?

        Related posts:  Check my archives on the topics of “Babies,”  “Readiness” and the tab,  “the 4 R’s:  Readiness.”

 

© 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

Character Catechism: Obedience, Honor, and Self-Control

         Many Christian parents believe it is important to use some sort of catechism to systematically teach their children about God.  But I wonder…how many of them have ever considered the importance of learning a “character catechism?”  I’ve been thinking about it for some time now.  During our Bible time, we practice our catechism and our memory verses (we use Bob Jones curriculum’s catechism.)  I’ve started to write a “character catechism” to go with it.  Some of it I’ve gleaned from the wisdom of others, and some of it I’ve put together myself.    Here is an example I gleaned from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes…In You and Your Kids,  by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller:

1.  Obedience

Q.  What is Obedience?

A. Obedience means doing what you are told, right away, with a good attitude, without being reminded.

Q.  How do we obey? 

A.  Everyday, all the way, in a quick and cheerful way.  (Tip from the book: Instead of allowing children to argue, tell them to “obey first” and then you’ll discuss it.  Usually once they’ve obeyed, they won’t need to talk about it anymore.)

 2.  Honor: 

Q.  The Bible says to “honor your father and mother.”  What is honor?

A.  Honor means:

  ~ Treating others as special

  ~ Doing more than what is expected

  ~ Having a good attitude.

  You can show others honor when:

  ~ You’re told to do something.

  ~ You’re told, “No”

  ~When someone dishonors you.

 Bible Verses About Obedience & Honor:

  Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.  “Honor your Father and Mother,” (which is the first commandment with a promise): “that it may be well with you, and that you may receive long life on earth.”  Ephesians 6:1-3 (NKJ)

 Children, obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord.  Colossians 3:20 (NKJ)

         I put these definitions in with our memory verse cards and we use them in the traditional “catechism” style; I ask the question, the children answer (we answer together till they learn it.) 

         It’s easy to make up your own character catechism for other character traits you are emphasizing/studying.  First you need to decide on a trait that’s important to you, and then find a good definition.  You can look for definitions in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary or on websites such as Heart of Wisdom.  The best online sources I’ve found is the Character Journal and Lifestyle Homeschool.  Once you find a definition you like, re-word it so that it is simple enough for your children to understand.  This completes the “what” part of the question—i.e. “What is self-control?” Answer: “Self-control means…” Next, brain-storm the “how”:  How do we show self-control? Be specific, and use examples that your children will relate to.  Finally, do a topical/keyword search on Bible Gateway   to look up Bible verses on self-control.  Here is my “catechism” for self-control:

 Q.  What is self-control?

A.   Self-control means controlling my thoughts, attitudes and actions.  Self-control means doing what is right even when I don’t want to.  For older children/adults: Self-control means that “I consider a later benefit more important than my present impulse” (this definition is so convicting!  I found it in another book by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, Good and Angry.  It’s is my current read and I’m loving it.)

Q.  How can I show self-control?

A.  I show self-control when I do what I’m supposed to do quickly and cheerfully even when I don’t want to.  I use self-control when I do not let others “make” me get angry (anger is a choice.)  I have opportunities to use self-control when:

~I don’t get my way.

~I have to wait for what I want/I can’t have what I want.

~When someone is annoying me.

~When I’m told to do something I don’t want to do.

~When I want to say something mean or sassy.

~When I’m tired, hungry, grumpy, or not feeling well.

 Bible verses about self-control:  Galatians 5:23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience (longsuffering), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such things there is no law.

1 Thessalonians 5:6b …Let us be alert and self-controlled.  (NIV)

 For older kids, memorize 1 Peter 5:8: Be self-controlled and alert.  You enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.   ~and~

 Proverbs 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.  (NIV) (Explain to your kids that in Bible times, cities had walls around them to keep our wild animals and enemies.  If we don’t have self-control, we are like a city with no walls; bad things can come to us.)

          If you can, think of a hymn or Sunday school song (that your children can understand) that applies to what you are learning.   Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam applies to obedience, honor, and self-control.  For self-control, also sing  Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes What You See (other verses:  Oh, be careful little hands what you do; oh, be careful little feet where you go; ears what you hear; lips what you say; mind what you think.)

          Other resources you might want to explore to help you develop your own character catechism: 

Character First! Curriculum (ages 6-7+)

A Child’s Book About…(Being Lazy, Being Mean, Disobeying, Interrupting, Throwing Tantrums, etc-many other titles), a “Help Me Be Good Book”, by Joy Berry.  (Not from a Christian perspective, but very good. I don’t understand why they got such mixed reviews.  I have found them to be very helpful.)

Richard Scarry’s Please and Thank-You Book, by Richard Scarry, which contains the story of Pig Will and Pig Won’t, a little pig who learns to be cheerful, cooperative, and helpful around the house. (Obedience/self-control.) 

 What Do You Do, Dear/What Do You Say, Dear? , by  Sesyle Joslin and Maurice Sendak  (Manners=self-control!)

What Would Jesus Do? Charles M. Sheldon’s Classic In His Steps now retold for children, by Mack Thomas (5+)

My Favorite Resources for Adult Reference:

Building Christian Character:  Developing Christ-Like Qualities in our Personal Lives,  by John Regier (used to be available from Biblical Concepts in Counseling; appears to be out of print.) 

Creative Correction:  Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline,  Lisa Whelchel

 Don’t Make me Count to Three, by Ginger Plowman

 Laying Down the Rails: A Charlotte Mason Habits Handbook, by Sonja Shafer

This post contains excerpts from the book, “Homepreschool and Beyond”; used with permission.  © 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

Family Rules For Preschoolers and Grade-Schoolers

        Does your family have clear rules about behavior?  Do your children know what the rules are?  Do they understand the consequences for disobedience?  (Are there consequences?)              

         Preschoolers are constantly learning about (and testing) the rules.  It’s hard for them to remember very many rules at first, so your rules should be simple–something along these lines:

1.  We love and obey the Lord Jesus Christ with all our hearts.  (This covers so much–lying, stealing, etc–God’s rules.  If your child has a tendancy towards a specific sin I’d list it separately, as I did below.)

2.  We obey Mommy and Daddy quickly and cheerfully.  We also obey other authorities in our lives (Grandma and Grandpa,  Sunday School teachers, etc.)   

3.  We treat others the way we want to be treated (the Golden Rule).

4.  We take care of our toys, and pick up cheerfully.

5.  We eat what is given to us without complaining.

6.  We don’t whine, complain, or “pitch fits.”

       The consequences you choose should matter to your children.   They shouldn’t be harsh, but they should be something they want to avoid.  Each family has to choose what works best for them…but whatever the consequences are, your children should be aware of them before the fact.  It’s not fair to punish a child for something that s/he doesn’t know is wrong.  When your preschoolers are still learning the rules you will probably have to give them “two strikes”; one time to remind them/tell them about the rules (a warning); repeat offenders earn the consequence.

      Recently I’ve re-vamped our family rules to reflect my children’s ages and the issues we’ve been trying to correct.  Remember that my youngest are now 7 and 9.  Now that my boys are getting older, we can add more rules and make them specific so that my boys don’t have any excuses.  I’ve been reading the rules to the boys almost everyday, and choosing one to discuss in greater detail.  This also gives us a chance to discuss the positive character traits we use when we follow our family rules.

House Rules About Behavior:  (Our adaptation of The Clarkson’s book, Our 24 Family Ways)

 1.  We love and obey the Lord Jesus Christ with all our hearts, remembering that this means choosing to put Him on the throne of our hearts (making Him the boss.)

 2.  We obey Mom, Dad and other authorities quickly and cheerfully (Pastor, piano teacher, coach, relatives, big sister) with a cheerful “Yes, Mom”, or “Yes, Sir,” etc.

 3.  We listen to correction and accept discipline with a submissive spirit.  We repent of our wrongs:  We are sorry; we ask forgiveness; we change our behavior.

 4.  When someone apologizes to us and asks for forgiveness, we forgive them.  We do not hold grudges or withhold our love; we do not return evil for evil.

 5.  We do not whine or argue.  We do not roll our eyes, fall or slouch down, sigh or complain.  This shows anger, disrespect and disobedience.  (Do all things w/o arguing and complaining…Phil. 2:14)

 6.  We accept NO as NO and drop the subject.

 7.  We choose to do what is right, no matter what other people do or say.

 8.  Our goal is to show the fruit of the spirit in all we say and do.  We choose to have good attitudes, living out love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. 

 9.  We are considerate of others, using good manners.  We don’t talk with food in our mouths, burp, etc; and we don’t think those things are funny.  We are gracious to everyone, even if we don’t feel like it.

 10. We come the first time we are called.  We drop whatever we are doing and obey right away.

 11.  We tell the truth the first time we are asked.

 12.  We do not yell or otherwise show our anger towards others. We choose not to let anger control us.

 13.  We treat others with HONOR and RESPECT.  We listen carefully to others, stopping what we are doing and making eye contact.  We are CAREFUL not to hurt others in word or deed, treating others the way we want to be treated (Golden Rule.)  We do not bully, pester or annoy others.  (Others first, self last; give more, take less.)

 14.  We do not interrupt others, especially when they are on the phone, or when grown-ups are talking to other grown-ups.

 15. We listen to instruction respectfully, remembering that we do not know more than our elders (listen and learn.)  We are teachable, not proud.

 16.   The older protects the younger.  The older remembers his example to the younger.

 17.  We do not sneak or STEAL food.

 18.  We eat what we are given cheerfully, with a thankful heart.

 19.  We obey the schedule and chore chart; we DO NOT SHIRK.  (YOU WILL BE FOUND OUT.)    Be diligent with your schoolwork and your chores, working as unto the LORD. 

20.   If we don’t know what to do, we ask.

 21.  We understand that our actions have consequences.  When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence.  Good behavior reaps rewards.  Naughty behavior reaps consequences. We don’t blame others for the consequences we deserve.   

 22.  We remember that God sees all and knows all—even our hearts.

 23.  When we are not at home, we obey the same rules we do when we are at home. 

 Rules Concerning Our Home and Possessions: 

1.  We take care of what we have, using it wisely and responsibly. 

2.  Play with one thing at a time. When you are finished playing with a toy, put it away BEFORE you get something new out. (Toys that “go together” are excluded.)

3.  We do not go into another person’s room without being invited. 

4.  We do not get things out without permission (from the t0y closet, art hutch, etc.)

5. If you get it out, put it away.  If you open it, close it.   If you turn it on, turn it off.  If you make a mess, clean it up. (If you need help, ask for it!)

6. We care for our possessions and our house carefully.  We close doors, drawers, etc carefully, and we don’t hit or bang the walls or furniture with our bodies or our toys.  We are not destructive.

7. We do not make unnecessary work for others.  We take initiative to clean up after ourselves, leaving each room we’ve entered looking better than it did before.  (A place for everything, and everything in its place.)

8. We do not HIDE our messes.

9. We do not touch or play with other people’s possessions unless we have permission first.  We do not borrow from others without permission.  We do not look through someone else’s drawers or closets without permission (we aren’t snoops.)

10. Put your laundry in the correct hamper right when you take it off; no socks or dirty clothes may be thrown on the floor. 

11. Hang up your wet towels, and re-use them at least 2-3x’s. 

12.  THINK about what you do (wipe your feet, keep dirty hands off things, etc); LOOK around carefully and learn to SEE your mess.   

13.  No toys are to be left outside at night. 

14.  Keep your shoes in your closet (not on the floor) and then you’ll always know where they are. 

15.  No papers, pencils, crayons, or garbage left on the table or floor. 

16.  Ten minute pick up at 11 AM and 4 PM.

 17.  Remember that if you mistreat your possessions or are irresponsible with them, mom and dad will not replace them.

18.   When we are not at home, we obey the same rules we do when we are at home.

       These are our rules!  I’d love it if you’d share yours.  ~Susan

        Our 24 Family Ways is a great devotional to use with older children (8+).

  © 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.

Common Preschool Myths Debunked: Part 1

            It’s amazing to me that so many parents stubbornly hold on to these common  “preschool myths”–even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Many parents believe these myths so strongly that they will not even investigate any evidence that might disprove their premise.  I hope that you, my dear readers, will have open minds.  If you don’t believe me, look up the evidence I site and find out the truth for yourself.

Myth #1: We haven’t started doing anything educational with our young children yet; our children are “just playing.”

Truth:  All children are learning, all the time–whether we are aware of it or not.  All play is learning– especially child-initiated play.  Through play, children learn:

~Academic readiness skills/academics

~Thinking skills

~Speech skills

~Small and large muscle strength, control, and coordination

~Eye-hand coordination

~Play gives children the opportunity to:  Act out and deal with emotional upsets; practice social skills; develop their attention spans.

~Play is vital to normal child development. 

        Never underestimate the value of play, or your child’s need for it.  The best type of play for young children is “creative” or “dramatic” play—the type of play where your child comes up with “pretend” scenarios.  Examples:  A “Mommy” and her baby, a cowboy/cowgirl (“playing ponies” is what we used to call it for my daughter), a superhero, a doctor, firefighter, etc.  Preschoolers also need plenty of time for “manipulative” play; puzzles, play-dough, table top blocks, pattern blocks, rice bins, and so on.

 Myth #2:  Preschoolers need special, “educational” toys in order to optimize their brain development.

Truth:  All toys are educational.  Many of the toys that are labeled “educational” are simply labeled as such for marketing purposes. 

    The best toys are interactive and child-powered.  Avoid toys that are battery run or computer based like the plaque.  These toys often promise great educational benefits, but in truth, they fall short.  (Read the article, Hi-Tech Toys Offer No Educational Gain.  It is also wise to avoid toys that are based off  television shows or movies; these have limited play possibilities.   

     The best toys are the “traditional” toys.  They can be used in many different ways.  When your child plays with a Buzz Light Year action figure, he will always play “Space” or “Buzz.”  But when your child plays with blocks, he can use them as props for many different imaginary scenarios:  He could build a “space station” or add cars for a city; s/he could add plastic animals for a zoo; she could add small dolls to play mommy, or just practice building and stacking.  All traditional toys like blocks, cars, dolls, play kitchen, building toys (like magnetic building toys and Legos), balls, stuffed animals, plastic animals, and so on inspire endless opportunities for years of creative play.

 Myth #3:  The preschool years represent a limited “window of opportunity” when it comes to learning.  Preschooler’s brains are growing neural connections at an unprecedented rate.  We must take advantage of this brain development, or our children will lose the opportunity forever. 

Truth:  It’s true that it is very important to provide a loving, stimulating, and balanced environment for all children, no matter their age.  It’s also true that young children’s brains are growing new neural connections at an astonishing rate.  In fact, by the time children are 11 years old they have almost twice as many neural connections as adults do.  Starting at around age 11,  the unnecessary (unused) connections are pruned away. 

        Older children and adults continue growing and pruning neural connections throughout their lifetimes, and can learn just as well as young children can.  However, there are three areas of special concern when it comes to early brain development:

~Speech development:  Young children learn to speak by hearing speech and then copying it.  It is critically important for brain development and speech skills that you talk to your children all the time about everything you do (from birth.)  Make eye contact with your children, and engage them in “conversations” (yes, even babies!)  Conversations involve a “back and forth” interaction (i.e. baby makes a sound, you make the sound back, adding some speech as well; then wait for baby to respond again.)  It is also important to sing to your children, and read to them everyday (preferably many times.)  All these activities help to stimulate speech development and thinking skills.

~Language development (foreign language):  Baby’s brains are primed to learn language—any language.  So it’s true that it is easier for very young children to learn to speak a second language than it is for an adult (especially if you want to sound like a native speaker.)   However, this doesn’t mean that an older child/adult can’t learn a new language.  

     If you missed out on teaching a second language to your  young child, don’t worry about it; the window isn’t closed;  all is not lost.  Your children can pick it up later.  My daughter took up Japanese in high school (took 3 years of lessons from an exchange student) and I can vouch for the fact that interest and determination makes all the difference.

   If it is important to you that your child becomes fluently bilingual, you might want to introduce him to a foreign language early on (just be sure to do it in a fun, non-pressured sort of way.)  The best way to do this would be to find someone to spend time with him who speaks the language you want him to learn.  Have this person speak the language while playing with/reading to your child.  Ideas:  Foreign exchange students, extended family, etc.  If this is impractical, check out the resources offered by Sing ‘n Learn-especially the “Teach Me” CD’s.

~Music:  I don’t have any proof of it, but I’m convinced that the people who have developed a good “ear” for music–and those who seem to have “natural musical talent”–grew up in musical homes.  The amount of time you spend singing with your children and listening to classical/quality music together is directly proportionate to their later musical talent and “ear” or instinct for music (including pitch.)  It’s not only in the genes; it’s in the nursery (or the CD player?)  So turn off the TV and expose your children to music (see the tab, “My Articles”, then scroll down to “Why Music Matters for Preschoolers” for more information.)

         What about teaching very young children to read or do math?   If their brains are developing so rapidly, shouldn’t we take advantage of that growth and push them ahead academically?  I’ll address that in my next post.

 For more information about brain development, read Endangered Minds: Why Children Don’t Think-and What We Can Do About It, and Your Child’s Growing Mind:  Brain Development and Learning From Birth to Adolescence, by Jane M.Healy, PH.D.

 © 2010 Susan Lemons all rights reserved.